Mango terrorism
‘Summer-time and the livin’ ain’t easy,/Summer-time and the mangoes are high.’ That’s my version of the Ella-Louis classic. April-May is hell in Mumbai if you don’t belong to majoritarian Aam-mangta party .
A one-upmanship prevails: who savoured the season’s first Devgadh Alphonso, at the most staggering prices? In my nightmares, I’m drowning in an ocean of aam-ras . Disclaimer: in a nation of mango-eaters, I’m not a mango-hater. I don’t dismiss the entire genus of Mangifera indica as mangy plus feral. It’s only the total domination of Don Alphonso that I detest. Truth is, it disagrees with me – as much as my Gujarati-speaking bhaiyo aney behno simply cannot digest such unthinkable heresy.
Forget what Congress president called PM-ji. For me, ‘hapoos’ ranks with Hamas, Hezbollah and Hizbul Mujahideen, with LeT, JeM, and every UN-listed and Trump-designated terror outfit. The city may give it a salivating ‘Tali’, I want a ‘ban’. Here’s why.
Our weekly fruit app has gone monotheist, monopolistic, monotonous. Instead of the usual alphabet starting with apple, banana, chikoo, dragon fruit…the only variety on offer is Super Jumbo, Jumbo, Large, Small, Baby of Devgadh Alphonso.
No more savouring bombil fry, surmai-masala, and kekdacurry ; home-chef Pratibha’s supply has switched to this gem from her family’s Ratnagiri ambyachi baug . Nor is the fall restricted to phal . Modest carts normally ferrying aloo-pyaz-tamatartrundle past laden only with youknowhat; cheaper qualities for aam janata . Not just fruit and veg have gone ha phooossss. Instead of baba-suits and frocks, small-shop awnings are festooned with the familiar cartons.
Surelyji , some anti-conversion law should apply?!
It would be okay if the season’s Supreme Leader allowed diversity. But, no, it won’t rule and let drool – even over fellow breeds. Own sister Bulsar hapoos is told, ‘Eat your gutli out.’ First cousin payri pines for attention. Cowering in corners are buxom-as-amacchhiwali Rajapuri or Badami, thin-skinned as a neta. Shamed Lalbagh blushes.
Would this swaggering, globally demanded, locally coveted, golden-skinned girl pleeease stop pulping all the rest. Yeh dil maango more varieties.
Alec Smart said, “Better to fire than fire at. More legal, less messy.”
Disclaimer
Views expressed above are the author’s own.
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