The End of Forever: Choosing to Leave

As social attitudes shift, more women are choosing to leave unhappy marriages

For more than two decades, Beena V lived with the hope that things would change. The 44-year-old endured years of verbal abuse, physical assault, character assassination, neglect and her husband’s alcoholism, believing patience would salvage her marriage.

The change she waited for never came. She recently decided to walk away from a toxic marriage of over 20 years, a decision neither sudden nor easy.

Her first attempt to legally end the marriage dates to 2014, when she approached a family court in Ernakulam seeking divorce. Her husband apologised before the magistrate and promised to stop harassing her, and Beena, believing reconciliation possible, withdrew the case and returned to her marriage.

The hope proved temporary, the abuse resumed within a few years, shattering the trust that had prompted her to give the relationship another chance. Now, enduring the same cycle once more, Beena has returned to the legal system, determined to end the marriage for good.

“Hurling abusive words is the most unacceptable thing for me,” she says, recalling the indignities she endured for years. “Every time I objected, he would get angrier and assault me physically. On one occasion, he attempted to kill me in the middle of the road, forcing me to seek refuge in a neighbour’s house.”

Through it all, she has been the sole breadwinner of her family. With no formal education, she earns a modest income as a school cook in Kochi, and does domestic work until 9pm to cover her elder son’s education.

Beena’s story is far from an isolated one. Across Kerala, more spouses are walking away from troubled marriages rather than remaining trapped in conflict, abuse or incompatibility.

Divorce petitions filed before family courts have risen steadily: An average of 52 a day in 2020 rose to 96.5 a day by 2025, up roughly 85% in six years. Two decades ago, in 2005-06, courts saw only about 23 petitions a day.

Legal experts, psychologists, sociologists and family court counsellors point to a mix of shifts behind the rise—greater awareness of the emotional toll of toxic marriages, better understanding of women’s rights, growing financial independence, and eroding stigma around divorce. Experts also cite social media influence, personal autonomy, extramarital relationships, and a growing unwillingness among younger generations to tolerate prolonged harassment.

“Marriage is not necessary for anyone. If a person feels unhappy and unable to continue in the relationship, it is better to step out of it,” says Lekha Suresh, senior advocate at high court. But some cases turn bitter enough to harm the children, she cautions.

“We often see attempts to influence children at a young age to secure custody claims, disregarding the trauma it causes. Some warring spouses persuade children to speak against their father or mother in court.” Some parents, she adds, give up custody claims to spare their children further grief.

Counsellors say women are less willing than before to stay in unhappy marriages for “family honour”, partly because more parents now back their daughters’ decisions to leave.

“Women feel there is no reason to keep making compromises when they can support themselves and their children,” one counsellor says.
Divorce is no longer confined to young or middle-aged couples.

Counsellors report a rise among retired and elderly couples too.

“They feel they need to be independent during the years they have left. Many stayed together only for their children’s sake — once the children are settled, they feel free to part ways,” the counsellor says. Some petitions now stem from causes as minor as OCD, and in a few cases women have misused the process to extract large compensation.

Men’s difficulty adjusting to women’s changing rights has also reshaped marriages.

“Men have historically enjoyed freedoms granted by society, and many continue operating within that framework. But society has changed, and women are asserting their rights more openly,” says Bushara Beegum, associate professor of sociology at the University of Kerala. Long-established power structures within families are being renegotiated, some couples adapt, others don’t.

Social media has also shaped perceptions of freedom and success among younger people.

“There is a misconception that living or travelling alone amounts to empowerment. Social media, which encourages consumerism, amplifies such ideas. Some women internalise these as symbols of progress, leading to demands that don’t align with their actual financial contribution to the marriage. Empowerment is about a woman’s ability to make her own decisions on career, family and finances,” Bushara says.

Family court lawyers also report more divorces involving narcotics abuse. One lawyer in northern Kerala said that many women facing cruelty from husbands or in-laws still lack family support—a gap that can push people toward self-harm in a crisis. “When someone facing cruelty has no one to confide in, sudden provocation can push them toward self-harm. Family members aware of what their daughter or son is going through should support them.”

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