Colonial cancers
Why only Kohinoor, take our heatwave too
Colonial hangover or plain bloody-mindedness. Britain’s heatwave is a global obsession, but no May Day distress call over our mercury normally rising over 40 degrees in the shade (that’s if you can find it). Perversely, I landed in London’s oven just as Mumbai finally felt like the fridge. But there’s a welcome dark cloud in the blazing blue: years of making do have prepared us for all that Britain’s making such a to-do about. ‘Sweet are the uses of adversity,’ as Shakespeare said long before Reduce, Recycle, Re-use. We’ve already been there, done that, bought the sun hat – or didn’t need to.
Delhi’s Rs 3,000 desert coolers took care of what today needs Sir Sadiq Khan’s £1.5 bn Heat Ready plan. Our delivery boys deliver in temperatures which would shut down London Transport. Try riding a sealed-window bus here; give me the gusts of pollution breezing through BEST’s open ones any day. We travelled for an hour on the non-‘climate-controlled’ Tube to a museum only to be told – very politely, very apologetically – that it was ‘shutting down in 30 minutes (at 1pm) on account of the heat – in consideration of the staff’.
Get some perspective, yaar! A heatwave is declared when London records 28+ degrees for three consecutive days; at that level Bombabes press the AC’s down button. Nagpur routinely crosses 45°C; here 38°C presses the Red Alert button.
We just jump in to cool down. No need for the Met Office beach app with wave heights and sea-surface temperatures.
Most of our kids have only the street. No need for the parental warning to check playground equipment as ‘metal slides can get really hot’.
So many Indians wear the bare minimum. No need for a heatwave to do so.
We’ve survived sans taps. No need for a City Hall supplementary budget for thousands of water fountains.
Britain is now forced to live like its ex-colonies. Here’s a Buddhist mantra: ‘Dukkha is inevitable; suffering is optional.’ Or the more localised, ‘Keep Calm and Karma on.’
***
Alec Smart said: “God help those who help themselves to His funds.”
Disclaimer
Views expressed above are the author’s own.
