From ‘Euw!’ to awe

How do cockroaches feel about CJP fuss?

In 1916, columnist Don Marquis created ‘archy’ the cockroach. A free-verse poet in its past life, it clambered on the newspaper’s typewriter at night to write about surviving New York with mehitabel, an alley cat who fancied herself to be Cleopatra reincarnated. He couldn’t master the shift key, so archy wrote minus capitals. By merging the two, we can say that reviled roach has been reborn as that queen who reduced emperors to jelly. The CJP, ‘archy-tect’ of the current brouhaha, has ‘mastered’ the ‘capital’. Dilli is trying to stamp on, spray and generally respond like aam janata does when a real cockroach crosses its path. 

So I used what Parsis call ‘kasari na kaan’  (super-sharp cockroach ears) to listen in on my creepy, un-evictable tenants. Bro-roaches preened at the newfound attention like first-time MLAs. Nymphs squealed in delight like the SoBo kind at getting a mention from stand-ups. A litigious type, long antennae quivering, demanded ‘How dare that upstart CJP exploit our assiduously built brand without paying a crumb? Let’s sue it for ID theft/copyright violation/ cultural appropriation.’

Supporting this ‘fight’ not instinctive ‘flight’, a gully boy rapped a la Ranveer Singh, ‘Kaun bola, mujhse na ho payega?/Kaun bola?/Kaun bola?!/Ab apna time aa gaya!’ Dissing those who said the crushed can’t do it, he proposed a Youth Front. ‘Ours will be a  party with a difference. We don’t change colours when crossing the floor; we’ve retained our brown-black ideology for millennia. Plus, we never claim to end corruption while feeding off everything we can.’ 

A scarred veteran crawled out to drawl, ‘Oi, bachcha, cockroaches and netas are same-to-shame. We survived every extinction era; they swagger out of every national crisis. We squeeze through impossible gaps; they squeeze into ideological opposites. We thrive in the dark; they thrive by keeping public in the dark. We both scurry away when the light is switched on. And,’ he asked smugly, ‘what do we both fear most?’

Everyone shuddered, ‘Chappals!’
                                                       ***

Alec Smart said, “In Gymkhanas today there’s more weight-throwing than weight-lifting.”

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