Lonely Hearts ‘Cub’
Simi Aunty is Simian Uncle in Delhi zoo
The capital is always a hunting ground for ‘poli-trimonial’ alliances. Now also in the fray is its National Zoological Park. As openly as TMC MPs wanting to jump into bed with NDA, its director Sanjeet Kumar has sent out mating calls for 16 of his wards. Some of them have been languishing without opposite-sex company for years. The zoo’s stated purpose is ‘breeding and better blood lines’. Opportunetas too seek fresh mates to improve their power-stock, but while they numerically pump up their object of desire, they do not necessarily improve their new party’s bloodline. Such frenetic diversity works differently from genetic diversity.
Sanjeet-ji’s compassionate outreach is for both beasts and birds (no bees). Like Indian Matchmaking’s Simi Aunty, he has a data-base of potential partners, and like her, is negotiating with their parent-zoos. Pity zoo media has no weekend matrimonial pages. Else, he could have placed insertions like ‘SM4 tall, b’ful, hlthy giraffe, rptd family, prnts settled abroad. No dmnds.’ Caste, which prominently still features in our ads, would be irrelevant for these caged bride/groom-seekers. So no need either for the progressive ‘cnb’.
Our Simian Uncle’s desperately seeking clients include:
* Two male ostriches who are now digging their heels instead of their heads in the sand as they forlornly have for the past 7/8 years. Also their distant South American cousin, a rhea.
* A black swan who’s done with swanning around singly.
* The Delhi zoo’s bar-headed goose would like a saucy gander, though a demure one will better serve the purpose.
* Similarly, an Egyptian culture-vulture isn’t demanding a Mahfouz-spouting mate. A low-brow will do so long as she’s ready, willing and able to be a mummy.
* ‘Baloo’ has been belting out ‘The Bare Necessities’, also with a jazzy trumpet accompaniment from the obliging elephant next door. Blue-winged macaw has opted for the blues.
* The spoonbill would like spooning, but will settle for, and into, any position.
* Females can be horny too; ask rhinoceRosa, 18.
Happy hunting.
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Alec Smart said: “TMC moral: Turncoats Must (re)Contest.”
Disclaimer
Views expressed above are the author’s own.
