3 silent killers in a relationship, according to a psychologist |
Most people assume that affairs and big blowouts are what wreck a relationship. But the reality is far from it. Sometimes, far quieter and far more familiar things can destroy a relationship. They arrive unannounced and lead to the worst breakups. Dr. Julie Smith, a clinical psychologist and bestselling author who has worked for the NHS for over a decade, has shared three silent killers in a relationship. What are they? Let’s take a look.
Constant criticism
Words can hurt more than you think. Let’s be real—nobody really likes criticism, and yet it is inevitable. But here’s the catch: there is a difference between telling your partner they did something wrong and telling them there is something wrong with them. According to Dr. Smith, the first is feedback, and the second is slow poison. When constant criticism is targeted at your partner rather than at their actions, it can lead to trouble. This constant attack on another person’s personality or character creates an environment of chronic insecurity. The person on the receiving end starts wondering whether they are fundamentally flawed and whether they are loved at all. Over time, this leads to emotional distance.
Stonewalling
Arguments can get out of hand. If your partner simply switches off when overwhelmed, it is a red flag. This is called stonewalling, which, according to Dr. Smith, is “where you feel so attacked that you shut down completely.” The person feeling attacked may go quiet or leave the room. They are emotionally overwhelmed and stop responding. While it may look like indifference from the outside, it is a different emotion altogether. When a person stops communicating their feelings, needs, and opinions, it will gradually destroy the relationship.
Contempt
Of all the behaviors that are destructive, contempt may be the most dangerous. This is an emotion you certainly don’t want in a relationship, both romantic and other types. Because when contempt seeps in, you stop seeing your partner as an equal. You begin to believe they are undeserving of respect, kindness, or even basic consideration. This is reflected in eye-rolls, snide remarks, and sarcasm. Your partner will sense it all; they will feel diminished, judged, and emotionally unsafe. No matter how much love once existed, once contempt enters the dynamic, it erodes the foundation of the relationship.If any of this hits close to home, don’t panic. This is your sign to pay attention. Understand that a seemingly harmless sarcastic tone can be dangerous. The most important part is to recognize these signs and make changes before it’s too late.
