Fortune’s vine

A money plant parent has his ups and downs

Of all the get-rich-quick schemes sprouting around the land, money plant has the best PR. Epipremnum aureum is an honourable plant. It doesn’t trap you like a Ponzi scheme, or hound you to tears on social media, and it never gets crass with details of how much you will make, and how long will it take. Yet, everyone says it delivers results.  

If you walk to the neighbourhood nursery, and buy a potted specimen, you will be adding to your green quotient, but will make little progress towards becoming rich and successful. For best results, experts tell us, you need to snitch. I snitched as advised, and ‘borrowed’ a cutting from Dr Vaidyanath next door. And no, it’s not a crime. Helping yourself to a sprig is not just socially acceptable, it’s encouraged as a gesture of communal goodwill.  

Since the plant is fast-growing, early signs of new life become visible in a couple of weeks. But that was an anxious fortnight I spent plant parenting. I kept asking myself if the light was bright, and the water right. I also had to walk a tightrope. Showing undue interest in the green shoots, would put pressure on the tender things. On the other hand, pretending to be indifferent, may make the fledgling feel unwanted. Would talking to it help, as the gardening gurus advise? Or should I go overboard, and burst into a stirring anthem? My friends vetoed the last option – money plants, they said, have feelings. 

Well, all that was months ago. The plant has since awakened its inner Amazon rainforest and taken off in all directions. It scaled walls, sought sanctuary on windowsills, and ran along balcony railings, to begin a dalliance with my neighbour’s chrysanthemums and dahlia. In a display of inclusivity that HR would have approved, it even embraced his drainpipe. Unfortunately, I have not seen similar action in my bank account, occasioning some doubt about when my game plan would see results. 

Meanwhile, Dr Vaidyanath’s son, an avid vlogger, has been looking appreciatively at my glossy, green track record. This morning, he asked me to consider a series of podcasts on terrace gardening, titled ‘Taking Horticulture to the Next Level’. He said I could become a star in the indoor gardening circuit. Perhaps the money plant is doing its job, after all.  

END OF ARTICLE