IIT Bombay graduate recalls how his mother changed her parenting approach after school called him ‘stupid’: ‘Small activities can help a child bloom’

His mother replaced strictness with activities, conversations and time together

For one IIT Bombay graduate, his mother’s biggest parenting achievement did not come when he eventually made it to the prestigious institute. He says it happened much earlier, when she realised that the way she was trying to teach him was not working.In a video shared on Instagram, the graduate recalled how his mother began changing her approach after teachers at his nursery school started expressing concerns about him.

He said the school was telling his mother that he might have to be removed because they considered him “stupid” and said he would not even look towards the blackboard. “My mother realised when I was in nursery itself that she would have to change her ways with me,” he said, recalling how the school was telling her, “You will have to take him out. He is stupid. He does not even look towards the blackboard.”

When strict parenting backfired

His mother initially tried being strict with him at home, but he says that approach had the opposite effect. He recalled an incident when she threatened to hit him if he did not study. His response, he said, made her realise that aggression was not going to help. “She once told me, ‘If you don’t study, I will hit you.’ And I handed her a knife and said, ‘Hitting me is not going to change anything. Here, take this,’” he recalled.After that, he said, his mother changed her approach. Instead of constantly pushing him to study, she began spending time with him and doing different activities together.“She responded by calmly spending time with me and doing a few activities. That is when my friendship with her started becoming deeper,” he said. These activities, he pointed out, were never presented as compulsory tasks or another part of his routine. “She never presented these activities as, ‘This is your routine task and you have to do it.’”

His mother changed the way she communicated

The graduate said his mother did not avoid difficult topics, but changed the way she discussed them with him. “She never made me feel that I was small, that she was older, or that she considered herself superior to me,” he said. He also recalled how she focused on maintaining eye contact, asking open-ended questions and allowing him to finish speaking.“Maintaining eye contact, asking open-ended questions and not interrupting me- these things made a difference,” he said. Over time, he said, these small changes helped their relationship become more like a friendship. One of the activities they shared was walking together. He also recalled looking at the moon with his mother, something he particularly enjoyed.“We used to walk around together and then look at the moon. I really liked it. It helped me. My screen time was actually my moon time,” he said. Dancing was another part of their time together. “And then there was dancing. What can I even say about that? She would bring music herself and start dancing,” he recalled.Gradually, he said, he developed a habit of engaging with activities in different settings.

A different kind of measure of progress

The graduate also spoke about an unusual experience at a meditation centre in Pune. He said he was the youngest entrant there, despite the centre having a policy of allowing children aged 13 and above.“Usually, their policy was for children above 13. But they allowed me to enter when I was eight because they felt I was very calm,” he said. For his mother, he said, experiences like these mattered more than his eventual admission to IIT Bombay.“For my mother, all of this was a bigger achievement than me getting into IIT Bombay,” he said. He explained that her unconventional choices had worked for him and that she had seen improvements in him. “She felt that these unconventional choices had worked, because she could see improvements in me,” he said. His larger point was about how parents sometimes underestimate the impact of seemingly ordinary activities.“I am telling you all this because we should not underestimate the power of these small activities. Through them, a child can flourish in different directions,” he said.

What parents can take from his experience

The story does not suggest that one particular activity or parenting method works for every child. Instead, it highlights the importance of observing how a child responds and being willing to change the approach when something is not working.For some children, repeated instructions, pressure or strictness may not necessarily improve engagement. Spending time together, allowing conversations to continue without interruption and finding activities that a child genuinely enjoys can create opportunities for communication without making every interaction about performance.In his account, the shift was not about removing expectations altogether. It was about finding a different way to connect with the child first.For his mother, the result was not simply an IIT Bombay admission years later. It was seeing a child who had once struggled to engage with the classroom gradually become more comfortable exploring, communicating and participating in activities around him.