Tuchel delivers the greatest English horror

To be an English football fan is to suffer. The rest of the world mistakes ‘it’s coming home’ as a battle cry of arrogance, but the song it’s derived from, Three Lions, is about 60-plus years of failure. Yet, make no mistake, England’s 2-1 loss to Argentina in the World Cup semifinal is the single most traumatic event in English sporting history. It’s the new No.1, and could hold onto that spot for decades. Few results or moments from the past can even compare.

With five minutes plus stoppage time to go in Atlanta, England led 1-0 and were on their way to a first World Cup final on foreign soil. They somehow lost before the game could even get to extra time. How could this happen? It would be easy to blame the many superstar players in England’s ranks. After all, they are the ones who have to go out there and deliver a performance.

But on this occasion, the blame for the choke lay squarely on the shoulders of England’s German coach, Thomas Tuchel. He had spent the previous days praising the “mentality” of his squad, in spite of his awkward tactics and their own muddled individual displays. This time around, there was nowhere to hide, without a win to show for their efforts.

For the 55 minutes that the semifinal was 0-0 up, until Anthony Gordon’s opening goal, England had Argentina right where they wanted them. Tuchel’s team were better in every facet, nullifying the dark arts of the reigning world champions, using their extra physicality to perfection, and capitalising on the single moment the Argentinians let their guard slip.

And then they reverted to type. Under Gareth Southgate, England were criticised for being too pragmatic, for letting their foot off the gas, and allowing a positive result to turn negative without much of a fight. But Tuchel’s game plan against Argentina was far, far worse than any his predecessor ever devised.

Following Gordon’s goal, England stopped trying to attack, period. The new Barcelona forward and would-be national hero was substituted for defender Ezri Konsa. Dan Burn and Nico O’Reilly then replaced Reece James and Declan Rice, who were carrying knocks. A desperately tired Harry Kane was flanked by Jude Bellingham and Morgan Rogers, who lacked pace and couldn’t stretch the game the same way a natural winger could.

As the clock rolled to 86, Enzo Fernandez equalised, England finally punished for camping in their own box. Tuchel didn’t make any subs to reverse the defensive changes, which invited pressure before Lautaro Martinez struck the dagger blow in added time. Even then, it took until minute 96 out of 102 for Marcus Rashford and Ivan Toney to appear as the Hail Mary-solution. Shock, horror, that wasn’t enough.

Heading into the second half ‘hydration break’, Argentina had recorded a measly three shots, but registered a further 12 thereafter. From Gordon’s strike to Martinez’s header, England had only 12% possession. Yes, these are real stats.

Tuchel drew up a strategy to let Argentina do whatever they pleaded, hoping and praying England could defend their way to victory, like they did against Mexico in the last 16. The major difference was the level of opposition quality, and Three Lions ran out of luck this time. What did you think was going to happen letting Lionel Messi have that much time and space?

A team as talented, experienced, and athletic as England didn’t need to do that. A manager as accomplished as Tuchel didn’t have to set out his troops in that regard. Should a Kane or a Bellingham have done more themselves to will England on, and carry them up the pitch? Of course, but they were following orders. They had bought into what their manager had asked, and this time he let them down.

The English FA made a power play to hire Tuchel in the hope a supposedly elite manager would get them over the hump, and turn them into winners. Instead, the World Cup final will be contested by two coaches who have never accomplished anything in the club game, and are specialists of international football. Perhaps there’s a lesson there.

Tuchel’s act of cowardice and self-sabotage will live forever in English infamy. He shall no longer be remembered as the person who led Chelsea to Champions League glory, but the one who denied Three Lions their shot at the World Cup. That’s his new legacy.

END OF ARTICLE